Becoming an Apprentice of Life
Tale of Two Forests and Two Masters
I seek to learn life, to understand it. It is impossible, I know. But part of our humanity is that want, no, need, that need to reach for the impossible. Another part of humanity is a sense of comradery, the need to be with others, to collaborate with others. Our civilization was built on collaboration.
So it’s no wonder that on my mission to understand life, I turned to philosophers. None of them are right about anything. None of them are wrong either. But it feels like they have something to say.
I only began my journey. I’m only an apprentice and a young and inexperienced one at that.
As my first two masters I chose two that I’ve heard a lot about and that piqued my interest the most.
First I visited Marcus Aurelius. He was Meditating in his sunny, yet cold forest. It was perfectly serene, green, and beautiful… almost sterile. And he taught me ways of being as serene as that forest around him.
The second master was cut from a different cloth. A man of a different time, different values. After hearing of my run in with the Stoics, he gave me a map to his forest, he promised me strength, will, and power. He gave me strict instructions to arrive there by Twilight. His forest was much different…
This is the tale of me visiting these forests, and learning the ways of the Meditations and observing the Twilight of the Idols
In my search for peace I found a map of Stoicism. The map marked many destinations for those seeking to become apprentices of this school. Seneca’s forest of Letters, Marcus’s Meditative forest, and Epictetus’s forest of Discourses. I decided that my first destination on the Stoic path would be the Meditative forest. I will visit the others, but this tale is not a tale of either of those.
I arrive at the forest, the air is light, the sun rays make their way through the thick tree leaves and into my eyes. Yet something is wrong. I pay no attention to it and walk a couple hundred steps further. The back of his head against a tree, sits on the ground Marcus Aurelius.
“Are you The Stoic?”
“No, I am not. I am merely a man. A man trying his best. A man falling and standing up again.”
“What if you break your leg?”
“I stand up anyways.”
“How?”
“I shall teach you.”
The first lesson he taught me. No matter how much heat there is around you, you retain your cool. You do not succumb to anger. You do not succumb to impulses, to fiery emotions. It is only when you make many weighed and thought out decisions that you understand the silliness of making impulsive decisions.
The second lesson. “Remember this principle when something threatens to cause you pain: the thing itself was no misfortune at all; to endure it and prevail is great fortune.” And the only way to overcome such pain, is that after a fall, you stand up.
The third lesson. “Not to feel exasperated, or defeated, or despondent because your days aren’t packed with wise and moral actions. But to get back up when you fail, to celebrate behaving like a human–however imperfectly–and fully embrace the pursuit that you’ve embarked on.”
The fourth lesson. The importance of clearing your mind. “The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts.”
The fifth lesson. The lesson of time. “Keep in mind how fast things pass by and are gone–those that are now, and those to come.”
And the core lessons of the Stoics. “Remember, nothing belongs to you but your flesh and blood–and nothing else is under your control.”
“Just that you do the right thing. The rest doesn’t matter. Cold or warm. Tired or well-rested. Despised or honored.”
“Pride is a master of deception: when you think you’re occupied in the weightiest business, that’s when he has you in his spell.”
“The best revenge is not to be like that.”
There were many other lessons, but I encourage you to visit the forest of the Meditations yourself.
At my departure, Marcus said to me: “Come, my apprentice. I shall teach you how to navigate the forests of Life.” and he led me to his forgery.
“This is where I forge the tools that I use to get through the forest of Life.” and so he taught me how to forge the Axe of Stoicism.
He forged one right before my eyes and handed it to me.
“This axe is not to kill. It is to cut down the trees. Cut them down and make a fire. Be warm. Then build a house, for you and your family. Teach your neighbours to make houses themselves. But never forget to take care of the forest. Since there is no other way, you shall kill animals with this tool. You shall not kill man unless you’re in a kill or be killed dilemma. You shall never avenge anyone with this tool. And the most important thing is you never put it down, until you die. You never give up, and if there be a forest fire which burns down the forest of Life, then remember this:
“To be like the rock that waves keep crashing over. It stands unmoved and the raging of the sea falls still around it.” Farewell, my apprentice.”
With the Axe of Stoicism strapped to my belt I went on with my journey. That’s exactly when I saw a crow nagging on a corpse. I ran up to it, and it flew away, dropping an envelope.
I opened it and there found the map to another forest. “Arrive at Twilight.” was written at the top of the map. And at the bottom: “Does wisdom appear on earth after the manner of a crow attracted by a slight smell of carrion?”
I arrived at the spot on the map, yet there was not a forest in sight. Just a desert of black sand. That’s when I heard heavy footsteps behind me.
Friedrich Nietzsche was slowly walking towards me, and his left hand was dragging a flaming red, blood-stained sword through the black sand.
“Where is your forest?” I asked.
Nietzsche smiled. “You’re walking on it.”
That’s when I looked down on the ground. I was standing on piles of ash, not sand. Before I could ask anything, Nietzsche’s footsteps were already departing.
“Who are you?” I asked him.
“The Prophet.”
“Will you teach me?”
“Only if you fight me.”
“What?”
“That’s one of the first things I’m going to teach you. “The value of having enemies: in short that with them we are forced to do and conclude the reverse of what we previously did and concluded.” ”
“So I can’t be your apprentice?”
“You can, but our values might just become mortal enemies.”
Nietzsche continued walking. We were going forward, with seemingly no goal.
“Where are we going?”
“I know where I’m going, do you know where you’re going?”
“I…”
“Lesson number two: “The formula of my happiness: a yea, a nay, a straight line, a goal…” I’m going towards my goal, I know not what is your goal.”
“I won’t give you any answers,” Nietzsche proclaimed.
“Why?”
“I have none, and anyone who claims he does, is a liar. What I will give you are questions. Bother not telling me the answers, you’ll be wrong, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is you answered. “Thou runnest ahead? — Dost thou do so as a shepherd or as an exception? A third alternative would be the fugitive… First question of conscience.” ”
“Art thou genuine or art thou only an actor? Art thou representative or the thing represented, itself? Finally, art thou perhaps simply a copy of an actor? … Second question of conscience.”
“Art thou one who looks on, or one who puts his own shoulder to the wheel? — Or art thou one who looks away, or who turns aside? … Third question of conscience.”
“Wilt thou go in company, or lead, or go by thyself? … A man should know what he desires, and that he desires something — Fourth question of conscience.”
“What your first master got wrong is coldness. Removing all heat. It is wrong. It is against our nature, against the instincts. “The most blinding light of day; reason at any price; life made clear, cold, cautions, conscious without instincts, opposed to the instincts, was in itself only a disease, another kind of disease — and by no means a return to ‘virtue’, to ‘health’ and to happiness. To be obliged to fight the instincts — this is the formula of degeneration: as long as life is in the ascending line, happiness is the same as instinct.” ”
“I shall give you more to ponder before I show you how to forge the Existentialist Sword.”
“Sword?”
“Oh yes, for how else will you cut down your enemies? Enough blabbering.”
“Aristotle says that in order to live alone, a man must be either an animal or a god. The third alternative is lacking: a man must be both — a philosopher.”
“From the military school of life. — That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.”
“There is an artist after my own heart, modest in his needs: he really wants only two things, his bread and his art — panem et Circen.”
“Your first master, that Stoic. He claimed humility a virtue, forget humility, be who you are, and be proud of it. Here’s what I think:
“The trodden worm curls up. This testifies to its caution. It thus reduces its chances of being trodden upon again. In the language of morality: Humility”
With that we arrived at his forgery. And he forged the sword. The Existentialist Sword.
“With this sword you shall cut down and destroy all roots of degeneracy in this world. And be not surprised if our swords will clash one day. Fight any who are provoking a fight, and fight all who you think deserve a fight. “The free man is a warrior” and a warrior kills monsters. But in your hunt — “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.” ”
“Be who you are, be natural, trust your instincts, trust who you are, and never love those who hurt you. Oh, and remember: Amor fati.”
And with that he disappeared, and in his place a black crow remained.
When I arrived back home, I put both weapons on my table. I first tried wielding the Axe of Stoicism. But it was so damn cold, that my hand lost feeling only after a moment of wielding it.
That’s when I picked up the Existentialist Sword. And I dropped it immediately. Forged by Nietzsche, it was so hot that it almost burnt my frozen hand.
I tossed both tools into the furnace and melted them down. And with that I started forging my own tool to navigate the forest of Life.
It still needs more materials, and that’s why I shall visit many more masters. I encourage you to start forging your own tools too. Hard to survive in a forest when you have no tools.
Those were two very wise men, and yet I can’t fully agree with neither of them, and therefore I can’t say that I’m a Stoic or an Existentialist.
However, I will say that I still embrace the lessons that these two have taught me, but I will never ever choose just one philosophy to go by, I believe what a person needs is found in balance. Balance in everything.
“Only degenerates find radical methods indispensable: weakness of will, or more strictly speaking, the inability to not to react to a stimulus, is in itself simply another form of degeneracy.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
And another quote because it’s one of my favourites of all time.
“To stop talking about what the good man is like, and just be one.” — Marcus Aurelius
